Preface: I wrote this blog entry about a month ago, and have been rewriting it ever since. Now it’s my last Saturday in Antigua, and I sense the need to post this before leaving. This experience impacted me deeply. I don’t know if these words adequately capture my feelings and thoughts but, for now, it is the best I can do.

 

Even though the sun was shining brightly outside, the room we entered was dimly lit. Despite the many candles placed around the room, the darkness was palpable, almost as if it had a life of its own. I felt the weight of that darkness – physically, emotionally and spiritually. It was not what I had expected to experience on this day of adventure.

It was a beautiful day. I was on a “field trip” with four other students from CSA to visit Lake Atitlán. It is a huge lake, formed thousands of years ago through a massive volcanic eruption. The incredible blue of its water, the towering volcanoes surrounding it and the picturesque villages lining its shore make it an amazing place to visit.

In one of the villages, we visited Maximon. I wasn’t exactly sure what we were going to see. I did know that it was related to Mayan worship both past and present. In my mind’s eye, I imagined a statue in a garden, perhaps similar to some of those around the cathedrals in Antigua. That isn’t what we found.

At Maximon’s house, we were led into the small room lit by candles. Maximon sat on the floor – a wooden statue of a man, trunk and head only, no arms or legs. On his head were two hats, in his mouth was a large fat cigar, around his neck were many scarves. On the floor in front of him was food that had been brought as an offering and a small bowl where we were expected to put our admittance fee. Worshipers of Maximon would put their payment for their requests in that bowl or tuck their money into the scarves. Waiting there in the darkness sat several people who had come to seek his help.

La Azotea Centro Cultural (museum)

Legend has it that Maximon was a hedonistic man whose arms and legs were cut off because of his vices. Before that happened, he was possessed by a god and turned into a saint. Now he is the “grandfather protector” of Guatemala. Yet, for his protection and his help, these people who already have so little must pay more.

I know that Maximon is part of the Mayan/Guatemalan culture, and I respect that history. But this was not simply a display in a museum. This was reality – people literally sitting in darkness, looking for help where no help would be found.  In that moment, I understood the futility of expecting anything in this world – whether made of wood or electronic components or even flesh & blood – to meet our deepest needs.

Tu amor no se rinde - Your love never gives up

When I walked into my church service the next morning, the stark contrast hit me – light instead of darkness, life instead of death, hope instead of hopelessness. I love, serve and live for a God who is alive, who moment by moment gives me the very life that I offer back to him. He will never ask me to give more than what He has already given – the sacrifice of His only Son. No other god ever gave such a gift for me. No other god ever loved me the way He does.

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12) I want to play a part in bringing His Light to the world. That’s what Kids Alive wants to do also. Yes, we will feed, clothe, educate and help with whatever is needed, but most of all, we will offer Jesus who is the Light of Life.

God Steps In

There are some days that you just don’t feel like getting out of bed. I hope it is okay with you if I admit to sometimes being frustrated, discouraged and just plain tired. Tired of rain, tired of five-hour classes, tired of not knowing what people around me are saying. Life is not always sunny, easy and, well, fun.

Today was such a day for me – at least it started that way. I was discouraged because of my lack of Spanish conversations. I am not a talkative person by nature. I don’t say a lot in English. It is very challenging for me to try to make conversation in a language that is completely new. If I can’t come up with questions in English to start or carry on conversations, how on earth am I going to do so in Spanish?

I’ve been talking to God about this for some time. I had no idea what He was going to do about it. Would He give me a new personality? Would He allow me to learn Spanish well without conversations? Would He supernaturally give me the gift of Spanish?

Today, He stepped in. At lunch all the others at the table finished, leaving only my host mom’s sister and me. It was one of those “awkward” moments. I had no idea if she spoke English, and I didn’t have a clue what to say in Spanish. She spoke first and asked some simple questions in Spanish. I answered as best I could. From that beginning we talked for an hour, covering topics like world poverty, facts about Antigua, Kids Alive and its work around the world, my life and her life. When I couldn’t understand what she said, she rephrased it or pantomimed. When I didn’t know how to answer, I just started and she helped me finish. It was the best conversation I have had in a long time.

 

 Later in the afternoon, I went to the ice cream shop. It is one of my favorite places to go. The owner creates his own ice cream flavors – Chocolate x 5, chai, curry, white pepper, double strawberry. You never know what to expect when you walk in there. I wanted to take his photo but didn’t know how to ask. Encouraged by my earlier conversation, I dove in and he taught me how to ask in Spanish.

 

Next it was on to the park. I have a buddy there – Steven. He sells gum for two quetzals (about 25 cents). One day he came up and introduced himself and we have been friends ever since. Today we talked. I actually thought up some questions to ask, and he was more than happy to answer. Our conversation wasn’t long because he needs to sell his gum to raise money for his family.

As I was sitting on the bench debating whether to walk home, I saw an older couple walking past the fountain. The man had some difficulty walking and something about him made me think that possibly he was suffering from dementia. The woman looked tired. As they went past, I asked God to bless them and watch over them, to meet whatever needs they had. It was a short prayer. Perhaps 10 minutes later, I saw the man walking by himself on the opposite of the fountain. He was going from one bench to another and sitting a minute on each before walking on. I looked for the woman but didn’t see her. What should I do? I wasn’t sure he was in any kind of trouble so I started praying again for his safety, for the woman to be able to find him. Sure enough, in a couple minutes I saw her coming, her eyes searching the park, looking for him. I watched to make sure she found him, then made my way home.

As I went, I realized something. I may not know the language very well yet where I am. I will never speak Spanish like a native even after language school and two years in the DR. But there is a language that I do know. It is the language that God speaks to my heart. As long as I understand that language and respond, no matter where I go or what language others speak, God can use me to accomplish His purpose. And that’s really what matters, isn’t it.

 

 

 

 These are the feet that are now walking the cobblestone streets of Antigua. In the last three weeks, these feet have taken me to some pretty amazing places and reminded me of some important lessons.

First, it was the Oasis in San Lucas where I spent my first few days. Kids Alive is doing remarkable work there rescuing girls from abusive situations and providing the avenues for healing, restoration and physical/mental/ emotional/spiritual growth. Jesus loves these girls and here they find a safe place to learn to know Him. How essential it is for us to get involved, to be the hands and feet of Jesus while we are here on this earth.

Then it was on to my host family in Antigua. Rosa and Joaquin are warm and friendly – and very patient with those of us who are just beginning to learn Spanish. Right now, two other students, Kate and Julian, are also living with us.

 

 



 

Here is the street where I live.

 

This is the "door".

 

But when you open that door - Wow! What beauty and warmth!

Most of the houses, stores and restaurants are like this – stern and somewhat foreboding on the outside, but when you take a chance and come in, exquisite loveliness awaits you. That we would all take that chance with people too….and discover the loveliness that exists in each person because they are created in God’s image.

More walks these feet have taken –



to the ruins of old cathedrals, to the central park, to stores and markets, to the macadamia farm (okay, I will admit we drove to that one).





These feet have strolled past indigenous vendors and street performers, down narrow sidewalks and under The Arch.

Often they take me past buildings older than I can imagine that have stood the test of time on their strong foundations. I am reminded of the importance of a firm foundation on which to build a faith that will last all the years of my life and perhaps even beyond.

 

Each day, my feet bring me to CSA (Christian Spanish Academy) where I meet with my tutor, Merle, for conversation and instruction. For five hours my feet are still while my ears, eyes and brain struggle to keep up with the flood of information. So many words, so many expressions, so many tenses and uses and terms. My head literally aches some days by the time we are finished. But, I am learning. Instead of totally listening to Merle talk, I can actually put a sentence together to contribute to the conversation. I can answer simple questions. I can conjugate present, past and now future tenses. And I can make Merle laugh with my sometimes ridiculous answers. So many things in life require little steps, one at a time, but eventually, if we don’t give up, great things will be accomplished. And, it’s best to laugh a little along the way.

Finally, at the end of each day, my feet bring me back to my room. As they rest from their labors on a comfortable bed, I am reminded that no matter what the day has brought – happy or sad, easy or difficult – this is not my final destination. God has a future in store for me that is more than I can ever think or imagine – heaven and eternity with Him.

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    … a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,   (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4)

    …a time to say goodbye…

The goodbyes started when I returned from CIT in early March. My first goodbye was my dear friend, Cecile, from Pennsylvania. She moved there many years ago with her husband and children, but we have stayed in touch over the years – usually meeting in Ohio for a video weekend a couple times a year. Linda, my BFF, Cecile and I – the Three Musketeers – have laughed, cried and talked our way through the years. Our last weekend was no exception – filled with all the good things of friendship and then the tears when it was time to say goodbye.

Then came some work days and goodbye to many of my belongings as I get ready to say goodbye to my house. My Wild Women small group helped one night; my family another.

 

 

 

 

 

After my family work day, eleven of my fourteen grandkids spent the night at my house – the First Great Meema Sleepover. Most I will see again before I leave, but Monday I watched my daughter Becky, her husband Brad and their three children, Megan, Scotty and Cassidy drive off. They live north of Detroit and there won’t be time for another trip to visit them.  Becky is expecting their fourth, another boy, in August. Goodbye to a baby I haven’t yet seen.

 

Next was Montana and goodbye to Jay, his wife Tommie and their girls, Dani and Andi. Now it is Katie in Colorado and another goodbye.

When I am back in Indiana, I will have 12 days and the goodbyes that have been a trickle will turn into an avalanche.

                      …and a time to say hello

But these goodbyes, though difficult, aren’t the end of the story. On the other side of these goodbyes come the hellos. Hello to Guatemala, a host family, my Kids Alive cohorts from CIT, my instructors at the Christian Spanish Academy and, of course, hello to Spanish.

 

 

Hello to the Dominican Republic, Jarabacoa, the Kids Alive team members and all the kids and families I will get to know there. Hello to a new world, a new way of living, new friends. Hello to so many things I can’t begin to think or imagine.

And, there will be a time when it will be hello again for those to whom I am now saying goodbye, and I will be richer for all that has happened in between.

 

But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.   (Isaiah 52:12)

This I know to be true…Amen and Amen.

I tucked my mother into bed tonight. She will be 90 years old on April 2. She is in reasonably good health for her age, although it is difficult for her to get out of her chair and walk very far. The last couple days she has been suffering from a bout with the flu. Some of my sisters and I took turns spending time with her today, just in case she needed some assistance. My turn was the last one for the day.


Mom - 2005

As the mother of ten children, I am very familiar with the tucking in bed process, but somehow it is different when it is your mother whom you are tucking in. Instead of masses of hair, smooth skin and chubby cheeks, it is wisps of white hair, skin that has been weathered by the years and paper-thin cheeks. Instead of one whose future stretches ahead of them full of adventure and the unknown, it is one whose past follows behind – a life well lived filled with memories. Yet, this tucking in is familiar because the one whose head lies on the pillow is as dear to me as any of my children, and my heart is filled with the same tenderness at the sight. As I turn to go home, I am struck with the realization that I am leaving the country for two years, and it is entirely possible that when I do I might not see my mother again in this life.

 

I do not doubt God’s calling for me to go to the Dominican Republic for two years. I am also certain this is His timing for me to go. He has confirmed this to me over and over again in so many ways. I do wonder, though, as some have asked, “How do you leave behind ten children and their spouses who are like children to you, fourteen grandchildren (fifteen in August), sisters, nieces, nephews, friends and...an elderly mother?”  

I wish I had an answer, but I don’t. I do not know how I will do this. What I do know is this – The one who has called me is faithful, and He will do it. (I Thess 5:24) I will trust Him, the God of Peace, with my children and grandchildren, my extended family and my friends and, yes, my mother. I know He will watch over them until I return.
 

The Green family at Anita & Colin's wedding - 9/21/2013

 

Reflections on my time at CIT

 

Several times since coming to CIT, I have said or written that I am “blessed” to be here – despite the hard work, the emotional and mental turmoil, the challenges to my values and beliefs – I am “blessed”. Today in reading another missionary’s post, I was challenged to consider just what I meant by blessed. At his suggestion let me take you to Jesus’ definition of blessed found in Matthew 5 and explain.

1 Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him, 2 And He began to teach them, saying:

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I am blessed because CIT has helped me realize just how impossible it will be for me to do anything in the Dominican Republic on my own strength and abilities. It is only through total dependence upon Jesus that God will be glorified during my time there.

4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

I am blessed because I now understand that it is okay to grieve for the people I am leaving behind, for the life that I have lived here and for the person I once was. Life here will go on. My grandkids will grow up, my children will move on, the town I live in will change. I will not be the same person when I return. But it will be okay. Who I am in Christ will not change (though my understanding of that will deepen and grow) and that’s what really matters.

5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

I am blessed because I have learned that everything I know is not enough. When I arrive in Guatemala for language school, I will know less than the toddler on the street. That is likely to be my position for quite some time. I will not know the language, the customs, the food, the means of transportation, or the rituals of daily life. A teachable spirit, a willingness to learn will be a great treasure.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.

I am blessed to be reminded that no matter where I am or what my circumstances, as long as the cry of my heart is to know Christ and the power of His resurrection, He will answer that cry.

7 Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.

I am blessed because I have learned not to be so quick to judge something as wrong just because it isn’t the way I have always done it. Not right…not wrong…just different. Yes, there are absolutes in scripture, but not nearly as many as I have often thought.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

I am blessed because my motives for entering the mission field and my attitudes towards those I am going to serve and work with have been challenged. Do I have the mind and heart of Christ? Am I looking only to glorify Him?

9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.

I am blessed as I have spent days studying conflict resolution to understand how to work with people of different personalities, learning styles, values, culture and most of all gaining insight about myself because that is where peace must begin – within me.

 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

I am blessed to be challenged to lay it all down, even my very life, for the sake of Jesus. While I am not going to a mission field where it is likely my physical life will be threatened, I may very well be laughed at, ridiculed and mocked because I am different and don’t know how to live in their culture. But some in our group are going to countries where the situation will be more precarious, and I am privileged to pray for them.

This and so much more is what I have learned at CIT. My hope and prayer is that I will carry this with me throughout my time in the Dominican Republic and in the years that follow.

 

Community - a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society.

 

This is what we have been for the past four weeks here at CIT, Union Mills, North Carolina. We have been a community. We have laughed and cried, prayed and played, shared our food and our hearts. We have been overwhelmed with information that has challenged who we are, what we believe, the things we do... and been blessed to know that we are not alone.

 

Today that community as we know it comes to an end. It’s the last day of the Equipping module here at CIT. Three of the families and one individual will be leaving us, taking the next step on their journey –  whether back to fundraising or getting on a plane to leave for their host country or something else. Those of us who stay will miss them, but soon it will be time for our own next steps. While the miles may separate us, we will still be a community – a group of people with a common interest – being Jesus’ hands and feet in a hurting world.

 

Monday, we start again to build a community, to discover how this new combination of people with different backgrounds, personalities and gifts will come together. The topic is different – Second Language Acquisition Training, but our interest remains the same – to be Jesus to the world. I’m looking forward to meeting more people who have the heart of Jesus.