I tucked my mother into bed tonight. She will be 90 years old on April 2. She is in reasonably good health for her age, although it is difficult for her to get out of her chair and walk very far. The last couple days she has been suffering from a bout with the flu. Some of my sisters and I took turns spending time with her today, just in case she needed some assistance. My turn was the last one for the day.


Mom - 2005

As the mother of ten children, I am very familiar with the tucking in bed process, but somehow it is different when it is your mother whom you are tucking in. Instead of masses of hair, smooth skin and chubby cheeks, it is wisps of white hair, skin that has been weathered by the years and paper-thin cheeks. Instead of one whose future stretches ahead of them full of adventure and the unknown, it is one whose past follows behind – a life well lived filled with memories. Yet, this tucking in is familiar because the one whose head lies on the pillow is as dear to me as any of my children, and my heart is filled with the same tenderness at the sight. As I turn to go home, I am struck with the realization that I am leaving the country for two years, and it is entirely possible that when I do I might not see my mother again in this life.

 

I do not doubt God’s calling for me to go to the Dominican Republic for two years. I am also certain this is His timing for me to go. He has confirmed this to me over and over again in so many ways. I do wonder, though, as some have asked, “How do you leave behind ten children and their spouses who are like children to you, fourteen grandchildren (fifteen in August), sisters, nieces, nephews, friends and...an elderly mother?”  

I wish I had an answer, but I don’t. I do not know how I will do this. What I do know is this – The one who has called me is faithful, and He will do it. (I Thess 5:24) I will trust Him, the God of Peace, with my children and grandchildren, my extended family and my friends and, yes, my mother. I know He will watch over them until I return.
 

The Green family at Anita & Colin's wedding - 9/21/2013

 

Reflections on my time at CIT

 

Several times since coming to CIT, I have said or written that I am “blessed” to be here – despite the hard work, the emotional and mental turmoil, the challenges to my values and beliefs – I am “blessed”. Today in reading another missionary’s post, I was challenged to consider just what I meant by blessed. At his suggestion let me take you to Jesus’ definition of blessed found in Matthew 5 and explain.

1 Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him, 2 And He began to teach them, saying:

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I am blessed because CIT has helped me realize just how impossible it will be for me to do anything in the Dominican Republic on my own strength and abilities. It is only through total dependence upon Jesus that God will be glorified during my time there.

4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

I am blessed because I now understand that it is okay to grieve for the people I am leaving behind, for the life that I have lived here and for the person I once was. Life here will go on. My grandkids will grow up, my children will move on, the town I live in will change. I will not be the same person when I return. But it will be okay. Who I am in Christ will not change (though my understanding of that will deepen and grow) and that’s what really matters.

5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

I am blessed because I have learned that everything I know is not enough. When I arrive in Guatemala for language school, I will know less than the toddler on the street. That is likely to be my position for quite some time. I will not know the language, the customs, the food, the means of transportation, or the rituals of daily life. A teachable spirit, a willingness to learn will be a great treasure.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.

I am blessed to be reminded that no matter where I am or what my circumstances, as long as the cry of my heart is to know Christ and the power of His resurrection, He will answer that cry.

7 Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.

I am blessed because I have learned not to be so quick to judge something as wrong just because it isn’t the way I have always done it. Not right…not wrong…just different. Yes, there are absolutes in scripture, but not nearly as many as I have often thought.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

I am blessed because my motives for entering the mission field and my attitudes towards those I am going to serve and work with have been challenged. Do I have the mind and heart of Christ? Am I looking only to glorify Him?

9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.

I am blessed as I have spent days studying conflict resolution to understand how to work with people of different personalities, learning styles, values, culture and most of all gaining insight about myself because that is where peace must begin – within me.

 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

I am blessed to be challenged to lay it all down, even my very life, for the sake of Jesus. While I am not going to a mission field where it is likely my physical life will be threatened, I may very well be laughed at, ridiculed and mocked because I am different and don’t know how to live in their culture. But some in our group are going to countries where the situation will be more precarious, and I am privileged to pray for them.

This and so much more is what I have learned at CIT. My hope and prayer is that I will carry this with me throughout my time in the Dominican Republic and in the years that follow.